Just being obsessive at this point

Again and again, I keep coming back to a few points. Perhaps the whole spiral into depression at work springs from the one source.

I’m isolated.

Not just physically (my desk is on one end of the row, away from the boss — and for a very good reason, which I’m sure I’ll one day get into, just not right now), but also in terms of the language.

Whenever someone sparks up a conversation about the paper, it’s in Japanese. I feel I don’t have any input into the background planning at all.

Today there was a good example of this. Our website has been revamped, and it looks good. I had no part in the redesign, though I’m pretty sure that I made it plain that I wanted to play a part in it.

Perhaps there’s good reason for that. My lack of Japanese would just have hampered progress. That’s a good point, which I should return to soon.

Anyway, the point is that once the site was up, I got an email from a team member. And that was it. I was informed just like everybody else. No responsibility, no creative input.

The new site has an editor’s blog, which is the boss’ baby. In our meeting today, he proposed spreading the task of producing content for the blog to the rest of the team — but only to the Japanese staff. Left me out. His reasoning was that he doesn’t feel readers want to slog through English. I find that a little baffling, since after all, the purpose of the paper is for readers to learn English.

So, I raised the possibility of maybe writing for the blog myself. But the boss said he preferred it for the posts to be written by Japanese. If it wasn’t for the intervention of the other staffers then I wouldn’t be writing for it at all.

In fact, I still may not be since the blog isn’t ready to go yet. But then, that wouldn’t be the first time that things fell apart for me.


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