As promised yesterday, more background on where I am now, and how I got here.
As I was working at DoL, I continued to carry on a long-affair with Yuri. We’d met years before, when I was working at Simul in Tokyo, and we’d kept in touch since then. She’d come and visit me in New Zealand and for a week or two, it was like we’d never been apart. I don’t know why she kept visiting me; I don’t know why I never said to her that I’d found someone else. (Probably because I hadn’t.)
But in the end, we got married. It was a truly happy time for both of us.
About two years later, along came Shuichi.
I never saw myself as a father. Even now, I’m not sure that I have what it takes to be a good father. Often, I’ll get upset at Shuichi for reasons that are out of his control — and if I get upset now at his behavior, when he is the least to blame for it, how will I react when he gets older and the line between his self-control and his lack of impulse control are even blurrier?
There are just too many things that I’m worried about.